On Sunday, Cuban priest Alberto Reyes shared his thoughts on the nature of forgiveness, inspired by the Gospel reading of the twenty-fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time. This particular passage features Jesus advising Peter not to forgive merely seven times, but rather seventy times seven, symbolizing the importance of forgiving endlessly.
Drawing upon this passage from Matthew 18:21-35, Reyes challenges three common misconceptions that, in his view, distort the true essence of forgiveness.
Common Misunderstandings About Forgiveness
First, there’s the belief that forgiving means forgetting. "Forgiveness doesn't mean erasing the memory of an offense, as there are situations we may never forget," warns the priest from Esmeralda, Camagüey.
The second misconception is that forgiveness requires suppressing emotions. Father Alberto Reyes argues that feeling anger, disappointment, or even a desire for revenge does not contradict forgiveness; these emotions are beyond our voluntary control.
The third misunderstanding is a simplistic approach: "Wiping the slate clean, pretending nothing happened." This attitude, he asserts, does not constitute true forgiveness.
A Practical Approach to Forgiveness
Reyes offers a definition focused on action rather than emotion. "Christ doesn't ask us to do anything beyond our capacity, so what the Lord asks is within the realm of behavior, things we can control, rather than what we feel or think," he explains.
From this viewpoint, forgiveness becomes a tangible goal: "It means leaving the door open, being willing to lend a hand to the one who wronged us. To forgive is to be ready to assist the offender, recognizing the person in need instead of seeing them as an adversary."
To embark on this path, Reyes suggests three practical steps.
Steps Toward Forgiveness
The first step is to pray for those who have hurt us. Initially, this might feel "even violent," but he assures that "praying for the aggressor ultimately leads to peace."
The second step is to release the pain by talking to someone who can listen without judgment, without offering opinions or advice. Such a person, quoting Saint Teresa, acts as "the necessary outlet."
Finally, attempt to understand the aggressor. "No one is evil for free, no one hurts for sport, no one attacks without a wound in the soul," says Reyes, using the iceberg metaphor to convey that visible behavior is just the tip of something deeper.
He carefully clarifies that understanding does not equate to justifying. "The aggressor's wound might be so deep that even they are unaware of acting from it. This, of course, doesn't justify their actions, because nothing justifies harming another," he emphasizes.
Reyes, also known for his weekly Facebook column where he combines spiritual reflections with critiques of Cuba's situation, has previously discussed forgiveness in political contexts. In March, he stated that the Cuban people might prioritize forgiving the regime for the sake of freedom, and in another instance that month, he noted that nations don't always forgive those who have wronged them.
This Sunday reflection, however, focuses on spiritual and interpersonal forgiveness. His conclusion suggests that a compassionate view of the aggressor is not a concession but the most direct route to personal peace. "From this perspective, it will be much easier to walk the path of forgiveness, extend a hand despite the wound, and experience the gift of finding inner peace."
Understanding Forgiveness in Context
What does Father Alberto Reyes say about forgetting offenses?
Father Alberto Reyes asserts that forgiving does not mean forgetting the offense, as there are situations that may never be forgotten.
How does Reyes suggest dealing with emotions when forgiving?
Reyes suggests that feeling emotions like anger or disappointment does not contradict forgiveness, as these feelings are not within our voluntary control.
What practical steps toward forgiveness does Reyes propose?
Reyes proposes praying for the offender, releasing pain by talking to someone who listens without judgment, and attempting to understand the aggressor.